It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
