so explain again why im purple
no
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
