1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
