Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
