I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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