am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
