I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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