His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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