im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
