Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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