a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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