So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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