I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
