Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
