I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't deserve a penis
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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