I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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