He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
