they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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