i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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