I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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