People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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