Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
