please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
