My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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