make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
third nipple confirmed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
