If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
