Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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