party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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