bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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