laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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