it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
