2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
FUCK WHALES
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