this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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