What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
