Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
