im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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