Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
