Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
