So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
