my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
