my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
