I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
