i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
