if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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