I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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