I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
