I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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