Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
barbara walters just said penis...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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