So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
