the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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