I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
