It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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