do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
