so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
