Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We need to get me chipped asap
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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