I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
