And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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