I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
