i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
