im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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