you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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