when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
