Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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