you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
