Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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