All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
