1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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