Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
