So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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