1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize