went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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