My room smells like vodka and shame
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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