this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
