That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
