Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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