You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
