If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
