I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
