remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
