I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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