i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
